Taking It In

Early this morning my heat induced asthma was bothering me. It was so hot in my room, and I was restless. Tonight, it is chilly. What a crazy weather we’re having on the Northern-East Coast. The weather has been crazy for everyone, actually.

It’s July 4th, America’s Independence Day. My block, filled with a diverse group of people–mostly immigrants, is celebrating in varied ways. My Hatian neighbors and their Italian tenant barbecued in their backyard. My mother did the traditional late-night barbecue she does every year although she and my dad talked about doing it earlier next year…that discussion, too, happens every year. My nieghbor across the street is blasting loud calypso music.  I wonder how our new Asian nieghbors, who live next to that family, are taking all that music, and how they celebrated their Independence Day. So, here I am taking all the celebration in, from watching the celebration at the US Capitol on PBS, and wishing I was there, to being here, in Brooklyn, and appreciating all the good vibes around me.

Welcome Back, Love

I fell in love with him after I received a collection of his songs, Urban Hang Suite, at my high school graduation party, and I never fell out of love with him. I discovered others while he was on hiatus, but none could do it like he did, and so I would often replay his words over and over again waiting for new ones to consume me…AND now he is back! Maxwell, you didn’t loose a beat, love. I dig this song so much.

The Joy of Perusing

It’s 7:51pm, I am still at my job, and I need to unwind. My mind has been spinning for days now.  Yesterday was uncontrollable. Borders will be closing in 9 minutes. If it stayed open for a couple of hours more I would definitely peruse the shelves just to clear my head. It seems like I am barely staying afloat at times, here, at work.  Being the constant perfectionist I want everything to go right, and that I believe makes one mess up even more. When you allow for some type of flexibility and go along with the flow, the ride is often better…I try to remind myself of this. 

By the way: I crave new poetry like the Walcott poem I discovered– ones that light you up, ones you connect to it instantly. Yes, if Borders were open I would totally go and peruse.

The Cliche of RIP

Micheal Jackson died yesterday, and it still seems unreal to me. There are good things and bad things that people can say about his life,but still, in the end, it is still a life. Someone died, and honestly he made a big impact on my life, and in his own way opened up my appreciation for music to another level. The thing about this whole situation is that I have yet to do the cliche thing of posting his videos on my Facebook page or placing a “RIP Mike” on my status. It just seems odd. I told a coworker of mine today that Michael Jackson was like that  grand uncle or great-grand aunt that you had in your family who you didn’t see all the time, and often took for granted, but felt that they will always be around ,and then when they die you feel ultra bad for taking them for granted. That’s how I feel. Well, dare I say it: RIP Mike.

Love After Love

Finding this, right after writing the last post,makes me know that I am in a process of something that will allow me to find the part of me (my highest self, the one who is content and free) that is waiting for me to just be.

-Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

When Growing Happens

I read East Love Pray last year when I was coming back to New York for what I thought was a summer visit. I was in a different place, emotionally then, and for some time now, almost a year after I read it, it continued to present itself in many ways: either in thought, or as I am talking to someone my eyes land on the book at their desk. So I decided to read it again. The thing is I liked the book, but I didn’t love the book, and there were definitely parts of it that rang true for me, and there were definitely lessons that I know I learned and can learn from it. After all, the  book is about woman who is trying to find herself after an emotional breakdown and she does this by doing the things I am doing now– eating good food, doing yoga, meditating and above all, learning to love herself completely. As I re-read the first section (when she was in Italy), I decided that because this is the second time around, it is more of a tutorial… and I should buy it in audio form.

This is my first book on audio book. I have owned lectures on disc, but never a book. I am totally against anything that might assist the extinction of  real books: audio books, Kindle (don’t get me started on that one), but with this book I think I can excuse myself. I bought a paper version of the book, and this is the exception. It is like I am attending a book reading, or something.

I have been listening to the books since I bought it yesterday, off and on. and because I read the first section, I skipped some discs. I am on the sixth disc, and I am planning on going back to disc five, especially the part where Richard from Texas shows, Gilbert ( the author) some tough love when she is incessantly brooding over her ex, David. I need that, I think, his wisdom.

There is something to be said about someone who allows people to see the vulnerable parts of them–the parts that we often try to hide. “That’s when growing happens.”(That’s a line from Rilke’s Poem 10) When you admit that those parts of you make you who you are– human.

Days Late But Still Reigns True

(I wrote this Saturday, June 13th but for some reason I couldn’t get a signal on my computer to post it, and I didn’t want to keep my computer on for too long.)

It rained again today and there was no Farmers’ Market to go to. I was hoping to go to the market to begin my garden adventure, but alas, that did not happen. Instead, I returned my library books and borrowed some books of poetry, two of which were Rilke’s. It seemed perfect on a day like this. I miss having my book of Rilke’s poetry next to my bed and reading them whenever the desire came to me. I have been thinking of bringing all my things to New York instead of all my things being locked up. Some of them can be with me in my tiny room, like my favorite poetry books and other things I often miss.

I am reading Renegade: The Making of President by Richard Wolffe and I almost finished so I borrowed Dante’s Divine Comedy along with the books I mentioned. When I read the first couple of lines it made sense that I should borrow it. I don’t know about you but when I open a book to figure if I want to read it or buy it, it is almost like a communication between me and the book; it is about a having a particular feeling and being drawn to the book. It has to click. What may not click one day, may click at another time. I guess it is one of my many quirks. I think I read the volumes of Divine Comedy a long time ago…so long ago that I don’t remember a lot about it, actually. So, hopefully, I will finish it and not get distracted (or attracted) by/to another book.

Getting to the Root of It All

It has been raining for the past three days,nonstop, this week. It is amazing how the weather can play a role in the type of mood you have. Now, I am almost certain I cannot live for a long time in a place like Seattle. I have been thinking a lot…I guess I do that a lot, but this time I have been thinking about taking over my mom’s garden in the backyard. She hasn’t been tending to it for quite some time, and I miss the earth. I feel like I want to nurture something,but also get something in return. So, I bought a gardening book at the store yesterday. You know, one of those Farmers’ Almanac gardening books. I want to go to the Farmers’ Market this weekend and find out what plants I can buy. Although I grew up growing various plants and flowers, it has been some time since that happened and that was under the supervision of my aunt… a long time ago!

Right now,  I am not sure how big this new adventure will be, or how long it will last but it is definitly worth the try.

!

As I wait for my new ipod to upload the almost 2500 songs (Apple gave me a new ipod ’cause the old, the one I just bought in January, had some hardware issues–happy birthday!) I have on my computer, I am hoping that the computer holds out until this process is finished. I will be meeting up with my friends tomorrow to celebrate and be goofy in Korea Town, in Manhattan. Nothing better than Karaoke in celebration of your birthday! I hope it will be fun. It will be fun.

By the way: How about that Obama speech?!!

Back Where You Belong

It’s an overcast day in New York City. The clouds are teasing us with sprinkles here and there. It’s been raining a lot in New York, and I know that it has been raining a lot in other cities and towns, as well. This weekend, when taking my usual walk on my favorite street in my neighborhood, I noticed how green everything was—the trees, the leaves on the rose bushes, the grass, all from those continuous showers of rain for weeks on end.

Now, speaking of roses, they are my birth flowers, and the blossoming of the roses and their fragrances reminds me of my impending birthday in a couple of weeks. While on the elliptical machine this morning I was thinking about my birthday, and I was especially thinking about a friend that was really there for me on my birthday last year. The friend who opened her doors and offered to host a party for my 30^th birthday…as I thought about her I  hoped that she felt some kind of  happiness, good energy even, in that moment although she is miles away in DC.  This weekend of my birthday she will be here with her mother—it’s her mom’s high school reunion in The Bronx, hmmm the circle of life. Now, I am contemplating, how do I repay her for giving me so much during a time when I was emotionally drained and needed so bad for someone to reach out and pull me out of the darkness. This is not morbid, this is the truth and looking back I have seen how far I have come from a year ago. I realized a lot about myself, and people who were and are in my life—good things and not so good things. I think I am learning the true meaning of friendship, and hope that I am a good friend to people who are my life, as well. All in all, I hope that if there is a dark period in your life…or a couple of dark periods that you will have at least one person who will be that light for you and guide you back to where you belong.