Coming to Consciousness

The coming to consciousness is not a discovery of some new thing; it is a long and painful return to that which has always been.

–Helen Luke

This morning as a part of my devotional I read Mark Nepo’s ”Book of Awakening.” It provides daily insights and a great way, I find, to start the day. This morning I got up,stretched, took a shower, made breakfast (including my mandatory tea), lit some candles and found myself with just about five minutes to sit next to my altar and focus on my breath–inhale/exhale…say three ohms, write in my gratitude journal and read the January 3rd entry in Nepo’s book. The above quote began the entry.

Feeling as if that entry and quote needed to be dissected in more time than the five minutes could allow,  I took the book with me on the train and read the one page entry over and over again.

This year I begin another chapter in my life and I felt compelled to start a new blog. However, be it laziness or realization, I decided not to do that for now and instead categorized the entries this year as “The Year of Magical Living”, not sure if that is the most grammatically correct statement, but it will do.

To Life!

Beginning Anew

Most mornings I begin my day with either writing or thinking about what I am grateful for. Today I am grateful for the oppurtunity to begin anew. Happy New Year People! The beauty of the “New Year” is that there are so many — Chinese, Jewish, Muslim, etc and what those days are (should be) constant reminders that we have a *choice* to realize our greatness (We are grander than we know!) each morning, to leave what’s behind, to renunciate what is not allowing us to be our great selves, our best selves. Here’s to new beginnings…each day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It might sound like a cliche but there are so many things to be thankful for and so I am thankful for so much today and every day. In addition to being thatnkful and spending time with family, Thanksgiving is also about food! Below are the things that I am bringing to my parents’ house:

Stew Chicken (with Jamaican and Indian Spices)

Apple Butter Pumpkin Pie

Forgiveness

Here I go…

Forgiveness is never easy and neither is letting go and moving on. The real question for why one holds on to the past should be (according to Iyanla Vanzant), “What does this serve you, this need to not let go?” My answer might be…is that I am… was afraid that I wasn’t  worthy of a complementary love and fulfilling friendships. So without lingering, without too many words, I say I wish you nothing but love friend, man who broke my heart and from who I learned so many lessons: may you be removed from anger and fear. may you be spritually free and open. may you feel physically healthy and heal. may you feel loved, nutured, respected and needed.

I hope love surrounds you constantly.

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be different” — Oprah Winfrey

Lila

I saw Lila Downs tonight…actually, I am just coming from Carnegie Hall where she performed. She has so much soul and her voice is so powerful and amazing. I heart her!

Affirm Life

I just stepped into my apartment after leaving a group of women who get together once a month to support and share with one another. This is my second month  with this group and when I leave that space I feel spiritually rejuvenated. One of things that we do is to set intentions for the upcoming month. My intention is to say daily affirmations to myself. I need that to  create the foundation of truly feeling worthy of all the good things coming my way. So, tonight I affirm…life. I affirm life in all its goodness, in all its splendor, in the people I meet and within myself. I affirm life by appreciating it in the dogs that pass me by with their owners and crying child that clings to their parent. I affirm life. I affirm life.

 

The Welcoming

This morning I began my day looking at my nephew as he slept, across from me, on my bed. He spent the night in my apartment. There is something beautiful about the first moments after waking up… and if you rest within those moments and welcome the new day, you can witness how loud quiet can really be. 

After dropping off my nephew, I went to a Jamaican restaurant and ordered ackee and saltfish – Jamaica’s national dish and one of my favorite dishes. The sounds and smells of the restaurant made feel  me so at home. Knowing that I had things to do before my yoga class (The time was 12:30pm and my class started at 3pm). I rushed back to my apartment, washed my clothes at the laundromat and hurried to my yoga class ( I made the intention to go to the class yesterday. Making the intention was big for me because it has been months since I have been to a class). After the class, which was oh, so wonderful by the way, I walked outside of the studio just as the rain ended. I stopped and  bought a bag of potting soil for one of my plants and on my way home with the bag of earth in my hands I smiled at a building with my name on it and enjoyed the walk  back to my apartment: I noticed the dews of rain on the flower petals and leaves of the trees and the puddles of water on the ground and  how the sound of my steps were different with my sandals hitting the wet ground. And like the awareness I had this morning watching my nephew as he slept, I felt completely in the rhythm of life, walking home , from my yoga studio with a bag of earth in my hands and welcoming the beauty of it all.

Living the Questions

“…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

-Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet

 

Every now and again I need to revisit Rilke’s fourth letter to the  young poet, Kappus.  The fourth letter  houses the quote above and I reread that letter over and over again because the quote encapsulates, so well, the importance of being okay with “the process” — the journey, the marathon and not the sprint. 

One day it will all make sense

Sometimes before I write or think the words get jumbled and it is hard to figure what to write or say first. That is when I am trying too hard. When I try to figure the answer or try to do the “right thing” I often feel not authentically me. However, when I just go with it and never question but just go with the flow, things seem a little easier, a little better.

That’s why today when I found myself taking a look  back into what could have been but never was ,I immediately had the realization that one day it will all make sense. The need to linger a bit longer into the land of maybes and if onlys was not necessary and the uneasiness, the pain, the jealousy, the anger were suddenly a little bit easier to bear.

Life Carries On …

If there was any day to remind us (Americans) that we must never take a moment for granted, it is this day. The truth is that war and death is the reality for many of communities of the world and September 11th, as a day of reflection, is not owned by Americans as a horrible day. Unfortunately, other places in the world have experienced the very bad side of humanity on this day, as well. However, for me, September 11th will always be the day when the  worst ( the attacks) and best (strangers helping out each other) of humanity occurred in New York City, Virginia and Pennsylvania in one day.

I really didn’t know what I was going to do on this day, especially since it is the 10th anniversary. In the end, I went on with my day, a little bit more reflective, but I went on. The best way to celebrate those who have passed is to live life completely. The song “I grieve” by Peter Gabriel sums up my feeling very well.

My heart goes out to the families who are mourning their loved ones right now.