In A Sentimental Mood
April 30, 2008Well, not really but I was listening to Coltrane and Armstrong’s classic piece bearing the same name ( while writing my paper, might I add) and these words came out of me. I just had to stop and write:
An Unexpected Memory
I remember those kisses
Ooh those kisses
I could partake for days on end
My lips bruised by your lips
But I loved it
Your body’s heat made me quiver
Before your skin touched mine
And I melted in your arms
The nights…
When you woke me up just to make love to me
And I would be sleepy the next day
Laughing at the incessant yawns
Meeting you at the local coffee shop
Our love mixed with honey
Playing “footsie” under the table
You shy
At your unwelcomed excitement
I’m giddy
Taking a sip of your coffee although I hate coffee
Pretending I was sipping you
It was warm and creamy
Just like you
Then one day the milk became sour
The taste bitter in my mouth
Reality caught up
Lies were spilled across the table
And all that was left for me to taste were my own tears
For months on end my belly was filled with emptiness
Sweetness lost its taste and my heart turned cold
Then another entered my life and tried to woo me
We dined and danced
He smiled
I was polite
And when we kissed
I immediately thought of you…
One of your best pieces yet.
Some of my favorite lines…
“those kisses/Ooh those kisses”
“My lips bruised” — conveys intensity, passion better than just saying,”there was passion”
“Meeting you at the local coffee shop/Our love mixed with honey” — that’s fantastic!
“Pretending I was sipping you” — ohh, so nice! sensous, sentimental, and erotic!
The next stanza, I would trim it…
“Then one day the milk soured
became bitter in my mouth
Lies spilled across the table
And I was left tasting my own tears”
Then
“For months on end emptiness filled my belly”
As it stands, it’s a great piece, though. If my suggestions are unwelcome, I’ll stop. But those are my honest thoughts. Keep writing!