Thank You Oprah

For the past three days I found myself rushing home to make sure that I caught the last 3 episodes of the Oprah Winfrey Show. For the entire time since she made the announcement that this year would be her last year, I made every effort to see her shows, including the behind the scenes footage of  the show and Master Class. (To be clear I have been watching Oprah since I was a little girl –constantly.)

I, who am not a big fan of change ( more so because growing up my life was so inconsistent and change was constant) had to take the year to say goodbye to her, this constant presence in my life ( through her show that is) for so long. While people who were suppose to protect me didn’t, when friends betrayed me or I betrayed them, when I fell in and out of love  – Oprah was my constant.

Now, let me just say, this is not an “Oprah is God” thing. I recognise her for who she is, a human being that is flawed like all of us. What I do believe though is that she tapped into being amazing like all of us can do…but few ever do it. She shared so much of herself, especially her vulnerability. 

Why I love her, why I like her, is so multi-layered. This is first time I am even putting my feelings into words. Let me just say this: I have been abused as a child physically and emotionally and often I felt as if no one loved me and understood me, but when I read a book about Oprah’s life at 13 years old and saw her face, that looked a lot like mine, I continued to have hope. I believed that there was a better even when people told me that there wasn’t and that I wasn’t worthy of it. I beleived even when I didn’t know that there was a name for it but I was hopeful that there was a better.

With all that said, I have never sent a letter, an email, or a tweet and I am not sure why. My sister always thought that to be ridiculous. My family knows how much  I value her and never quite understood why I never made it up to Chicago. While writing this (like seriously, I  just figured this out!) I realized that maybe, maybe I was afraid that if I even uttered my true feelings that it would in some way cheapen it. Also, I now understand that she is another great teacher that the universe has sent us like others, just to let us know how worthy we are. I adore Oprah like I adore Rilke, Whitman, Maria Shriver, Malcolm X and so many more people. However, for her to be “a colored girl from the back woods of Mississippi” as she often puts it,  moved around and not often loved as a child, and for me, a little girl growing up in Jamaica, moved around often feeling unwanted and separate, reading about someone whose story seemed a lot like mine for the first time… nothing can  be compared to that feeling.  (Since then I’ve read about other people’s  lives and saw how we all connect that we ALL just want to be loved and we declare that need in so many ways.) 

With all this emotion occuring in this moment, I wanted to make my OWN proclamation and acknowledge the difference that Oprah Winfrey has made in my life. I am not sure if I will write her or if she will ever see this but I know she knows it — that there are people out there that love her so much that she may never meet…

A Dream Differred

My Facebook status reads:
“DADT is repealed, but the DREAM is not realized for a lot of our brothers and sisters who have so much promise for this country and themselves. [This is] A day of mixed feelings. Find out how your sentor voted.”

Nothing more to say really.

Pura Vida

In Costa Rica, leaving for the states tomorrow…

There were so many highlights from the trip some of them were in the moment frustrating, others were exhilarating. This experience reminds me so much of what my grandma would always say to me, “Girl, you a travela” meaning that I can make it through hard times due to resiliency that a person who frequently travels has. And I get what you mean grandma, I surely do.

My friend and I traveled to quite a few places in 5 days: Cahuita (Pronounced Ca-wee-ta), Puerto Viejo, Limon and now we are spending our last night in Costa Rica in San Jose.

If you have been to Costa Rica, or know a little bit about the country, you will notice that we stayed quite a bit on the Caribbean side of the country. Most of the people are descendants of Jamaicans who came over as workers over a century ago. As a Jamaican, it was an interesting experience seeing how big of an influence my homeland has made in Costa Rica especially on this side of the country.

There is more to write, but I have to get up early in the morning for my flight. However, here are some highlights that I may talk about in future posts:

1. Getting into Cahuita on the first day, Cahuita

2. Seeing two people I knew growing up, randomly, during my trip, USA and San Jose

3. The Ms. Black Beauty Pageant, Limon

4. Being a black tourist/traveler in a world more used to white tourists/travelers

5. Meeting some of the most amazing people from all the world

6. Using this strange keyboard to write this post. (Not really, but it is indeed very different from what I am used to using)

Interruption

One of the things that I am continuously working on is my response to religious fanatics, no matter their religion. In New York, there is a trend for evangelists to invade peoples’ personal spaces at anytime. The train is the venue most utilized in my experience. It happens at the most inopportune times: during rush hour, when you’re in the midst of reading a book, or talking to a friend, in comes someone who bellows your need for immediate salvation, or notify you about the danger of being eternally damn unless you believe in what he or she has to say. My reaction, if alone, is to put my headphones on, quickly, and if with someone else (depending on their own belief system) look at them roll my eyes, just smile, or a combination of the two.
The need to spread “the Word” is often extended to bus stops, on your way to and from work and in the case of 10 minutes ago, in the park where people like me are just taking a couple of minutes or so to find some quiet time before they have to go back to work and get ready for a big meeting. Externally I ignore. Internally I am angry, because I know that they would more than likely not appreciate someone doing that to them if the message were different from their own.