Ngala-Najla

I Celebrate Myself…

When Losing Weight, Who Are You Truly Losing it For?

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Three years ago, I began a journey of taking care of my health. For a long time, over a year or so, it was a personal thing and weight loss was not a competition. Then I lost 70 lbs and I did well: I ran a 5K and I started graduate school. In graduate school, with the demand of school work, and just (maybe) pure laziness, I gained 25 of those pound back. I was a size 14 at that point. The need to lose those pounds consumed my life. I worked my butt off during the summer of last year to loose those extra pounds that I gained and became even more toned. I then was a size 12. I was doing well for a long time and was in a very happy place. December of last year I moved to another city, and the last semester kick my butt, as well as trying to get over some other personal stuff— a dude. Anyway, taking care of myself physically and emotionally became less important. Subsequently, I started eating anything and everything, trying to cover up my pain (heartbreak) and the disappointed in myself (gaining weight) with sesame chickens, burritos, chicken kormas (literally means buttered chicken) and icecream, gaining back almost all the pounds that I lost, all but 30.

I found myself living in the past of my glorious days of being a “skinny girl” and having to place in conversations the fact that “I wasn’t always this fat.” I also dreaded seeing my friends again in New York because of pride, honestly. The weight issue began to consume me and with that, the more I ate. I was so unhealthy I body felt clogged in every way imaginable. I knew I had to do something about this and decided to come out of my self pity. I began to realized that it wasn’t about the weight exactly, it was about me living the best me that I can. For me that means having the ability to do what makes me happy and content, which includes, excerise, yoga, laughter, eating healthy,etc.

I started with a detox of being vegan and eating natural ingredients, did yoga and meditated. Through these practices I realized that the greatest achievement was in believing that I deserved to be healthy, not due to what society or anyone else thought but because I am entitled to be the best me that I can be. And so, I will go down the road of healthy living in a more balanced way. I pray that I will take it one day at a time.

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Author: ngalanjala

I Have Learned So much from God That I can no longer Call Myself A Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim, A Buddhist, a Jew. The Truth has shared so much of Itself With me That I can no longer call myself A man, a woman, an angel, Or even pure Soul. Love has Befriended Hafiz so completely It has turned to ash And freed Me Of every concept and image My mind has ever known. ~ Hafiz ~

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