I try to listen and watch my elders, especially my mothers. The ones who have walked upon this earth longer than I have walked this earth. I was watching Oprah today, it was the SEX special, to be honest: nothing was really shocking to me, but I still learned something new. One of the guest was over 60 years old and she talked about going through stages in life, reevaluating different moments in her life and entering different chapters. She talked about becoming comfortable with herself finally after 50, when she began to not sweat the small stuff. She talked about the anxiety, the surprise at a broken heart earlier on in life. I guess I am getting use to the surprise…I just do not want to be jaded.
I went to an Erykah Badu concert tonight. It was a free concert, part of the Citypark Concert Series, and honey, I danced– in an open field, without shame, or worry about how I would look to the cute boys/men passing me by. I danced with realization that I am entering a new chapter in life becoming more comfortable in who I am. I danced until my feet hurt. I danced with my nephew. I just danced.
See, I used to dance with no inhibition and then something happened: I started to look outside of myself and started to shy away from anyone looking at me, afraid of what they might say and what they might think. I did that for most of my 20s, only dancing in dimly lit clubs, or with a lot of my friends around….today, although I was with my sister (for most of the time she sat on the blanket), I could have easily seemed to be by myself, just dancing.