It’s Eid and it was an interesting day. There are things that I will not get into in this post, but know that I was drained emotionally today. As a convert to Islam, with very “progressive views” on things at times, it can be very lonely. It can get lonely that is when you are not surrounded by people who share your ideas and outlook on life. I was reading the Yoga Journal and they talked about the Goddess, Kali, a fiery deity, one who is often misunderstood. The article talked about women, especially givers, needing to tap into the energy of Kali. I think I did that today. I stood up for myself today, the pain reamed through at the most auspicious time.
It can be really hard at times coming from a very religious background, especially when you’ve made a very different religious choice from the one you grew up in. With the way Islam is perceived in this country and even in the world, the beauty is often ignored or in most cases, hidden to those who are unaware.
Torn between being true to oneself, to one’s own personal journey, and the hopes of your family, is a road often ladened with guilt and second guessing oneself. When I am alone, when I am in my space, I know I cannot ignore my internal truth. My truth is not one thing, it is not black and white. It is a myriad of colors streaming from gray.
Today at the Eid prayers, the man who led the prayers, Sultan, recited some Surahs that made me almost break down and cry, tears streamed uncontrollably down my face. One of the Surahs he recited is below:
Segments of Surah 65( Muhammad Asad’s translation):
…remain conscious of God, O you who are endowed with insight – [you] who have attained to faith! God has indeed bestowed on you a reminder from on high:
(11) [He has sent] an apostle who conveys unto you God’s clear messages, so that He might those who have attained to faith and do righteous deeds out of the depths of darkness into the light. And whoever believes in God and does what is right and just, him will He admit into gardens through which running waters flow, therein to abide beyond the count of time: indeed, a most goodly provision will God have granted him!