Starting over again be a scary thing to do. I think that’s why most of us, humans, try to stay in that comfortable place as long as we can. I am starting over in so many ways–so much so that I stay up in my mind, thinking, a lot ( more than what’s warranted at times). I have gained most of my weight back. I am in limbo in some ways but I still feel as if my feet are firmly planted on the ground. I am a myriad of complexities and often I am the creator of the confusion.
I say all of this to say, physically, I am at a place of starting over, mentally and spiritually I am at that place as well…to certain degree. I am concerned about hypertension and diabetes. My knees are hindrances and every time I try to start over again when it comes to working out, I injure myself. Starting over is crazy and there is a part of me that wishes that I can just stay here with ice cream and jiggly belly and just be. And then there is a huge part of me that wants to be the best person that I can be and I hope that that side of me will grow and outshine the part of me that is complacent.
God, the Universe, is giving me a slap on my hand at the moment ( they say that the universe speaks to you in different levels, first a whisper, then a shout, then a slap on the hand and then a shove to make you listen), my blood is high and it has been that way for close to a month. Often I can literally feel the enormity of my weight. With all that being said, I am in no rush to do everything at once. This evening, after work, I plan on going to Trader Joes and then my local grocery store to get the stuff that I want to make lunch and dinner. I am taking a yoga beginners’ course, although I hate the fact that my daily attempts of shoulder stances that my teachers makes us do, is making me more self conscious of my weight–especially when I am the biggest person in the room with all skinny people in the room.
This was not my attempt to vent throughout this blog, but it is turning out to be that way I guess. So, I proved my initial point, starting over is hard but what is the alternative?