I have been attempting to hold on to the serenity that Ramadan provided me…maybe I should say, the serenity that I allowed myself to regain during Ramadan. Now, things are picking up at work and I am barely going to my retreat during lunch breaks–eating and socializing have taken back their reign. I have only gone twice this week to my sanctuary. Yet, I am thankful, and I am finding other ways and times to reconnect with myself and with the Divine: From deep breaths, and morning prayers, to writing in my journal and reminding myself that I am worth all the goodness in life, to now volunteering at a local food pantry just to get out of my own sense of victim hood that I get caught up in some times…I am feeling more grounded and rooted. This feeling, I know, will not be continuous, life makes certain of it, but I am slowly rebuilding my foundation (I think), and I pray that on bad days I can dig deep in and not stay down too long wallowing in self pity.
As I write this, I am listening to Dixie Chicks’ Lullaby and a line from the song asks, “How long do you wanna be loved? Is forever enough, is forever enough?” I am asking myself that questions; I am feeding myself those lines, loving me. I want the love that is expressed in that song to be the way in which I love myself– soft, understanding, unconditional love. Does that make sense? It sure does to me.