I Celebrate Myself…

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In Another Time

Tell me it will be okay. Tell me that all this was necessary… that in the end, it will be better. Can you promise me this?

I find myself limiting myself due to doubt and fear, that I will make the wrong choices because of unsuccessful past attempts. And although this is not an unknown phenomenon — people experience this all the time — I hoped and still do that I will have a great life…but this fear thing creeps up and paralyzes me (and a lot of  people all the time.) and time passes and stagnation becomes more of a reality each day.

One of the most beautiful ballads that I have on repeat, right now, is “In Another Time” by Sade. It’s off of her latest album, Soldier of Love and it exudes so much of the constant emotions and feelings that I have been experiencing.  I feel as if she is speaking directly to me, as an elder who have been there before, like an angel who is promising me that in another time it will make sense…maybe even in another place.


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Snow Day

Although New York City schools were closed today, other places were open…including my job. After an awful attempt of trying to go to work, I took a snow day today. I tried,but the snow was too high to wade through on my block, and honestly, maybe I needed a break. I’ve had little time to even breathe this past month and it felt good lounging. I slept, my body needed it. I needed it.  Everyone was home… and my mom cooked soup — I needed that, too.

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For People Who Love to Peruse Places that House Books in Large Quantities

I don’t think I have been this excited about a new bookstore find for some time: Idlewild books on 19th Street, an amazing bookstore close to 5th avenue, adds flow to the otherwise stagnant book community in NYC. I am sure that there are great, independent bookstores in NYC, but around the Union Square area, there’s Strand, which I heart…and then there’s Barnes and Noble. That’s it.

I found Idlewild, after coming from the Barnes and Noble textbooks store on 5th avenue. This visit to B &N textbooks was my last attempt for finding this book for one of the book clubs I belong to, after calling and going to bookstores to find the book to no avail. I found the book at the textbooks branch of B & N. Whew! In my state of tired, I just happened to walk down 19th Street and came across this place, on the second floor whose brightness illuminated practically half of the street (I am not exaggerating, that block was not lit well.). When I looked closer, I noticed it was a bookstore. Good golly!

I met the owner, David, last night, and I expressed my excitment about finding Idlewild  and how it was an awesome find. Part of its appeal, I told him, was that it was tucked away. Business wise it might not be the best location, but it is perfect for a person who just loves to discover and peruse books and the places that hold them in large quantities.

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Soldier of Love

I have been MIA lately — working, hard. Lately, I have been averaging 11-12 hours at work. My biggest struggle is to find balance and to be good to me. Been listening to a bunch of music, too, mainly to and from community meetings and my office. One of them is Sade’s latest, Soldier of Love. Realistically, it says a lot as to where my mind is, at the moment, when it comes to love and being in it — I’m a soldier. Ha!

Cryptic, isn’t it? I really wasn’t trying to be.

So, it’s already February and I find myself often thinking about the promises I made to myself for the New Year… and fear often follows, creeping, lazily,into my mind. On my vision board are constant reminders of those promises, and while I juggle long hours, struggle with eating and sleeping well, I try to be in each moment and ignore fear and hope that it finds another mind to call home.