I Celebrate Myself…

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Thank You Oprah

For the past three days I found myself rushing home to make sure that I caught the last 3 episodes of the Oprah Winfrey Show. For the entire time since she made the announcement that this year would be her last year, I made every effort to see her shows, including the behind the scenes footage of  the show and Master Class. (To be clear I have been watching Oprah since I was a little girl –constantly.)

I, who am not a big fan of change ( more so because growing up my life was so inconsistent and change was constant) had to take the year to say goodbye to her, this constant presence in my life ( through her show that is) for so long. While people who were suppose to protect me didn’t, when friends betrayed me or I betrayed them, when I fell in and out of love  — Oprah was my constant.

Now, let me just say, this is not an “Oprah is God” thing. I recognise her for who she is, a human being that is flawed like all of us. What I do believe though is that she tapped into being amazing like all of us can do…but few ever do it. She shared so much of herself, especially her vulnerability. 

Why I love her, why I like her, is so multi-layered. This is first time I am even putting my feelings into words. Let me just say this: I have been abused as a child physically and emotionally and often I felt as if no one loved me and understood me, but when I read a book about Oprah’s life at 13 years old and saw her face, that looked a lot like mine, I continued to have hope. I believed that there was a better even when people told me that there wasn’t and that I wasn’t worthy of it. I beleived even when I didn’t know that there was a name for it but I was hopeful that there was a better.

With all that said, I have never sent a letter, an email, or a tweet and I am not sure why. My sister always thought that to be ridiculous. My family knows how much  I value her and never quite understood why I never made it up to Chicago. While writing this (like seriously, I  just figured this out!) I realized that maybe, maybe I was afraid that if I even uttered my true feelings that it would in some way cheapen it. Also, I now understand that she is another great teacher that the universe has sent us like others, just to let us know how worthy we are. I adore Oprah like I adore Rilke, Whitman, Maria Shriver, Malcolm X and so many more people. However, for her to be “a colored girl from the back woods of Mississippi” as she often puts it,  moved around and not often loved as a child, and for me, a little girl growing up in Jamaica, moved around often feeling unwanted and separate, reading about someone whose story seemed a lot like mine for the first time… nothing can  be compared to that feeling.  (Since then I’ve read about other people’s  lives and saw how we all connect that we ALL just want to be loved and we declare that need in so many ways.) 

With all this emotion occuring in this moment, I wanted to make my OWN proclamation and acknowledge the difference that Oprah Winfrey has made in my life. I am not sure if I will write her or if she will ever see this but I know she knows it — that there are people out there that love her so much that she may never meet…


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A Quiet Moment

My entries have been far apart from each other because my mind is often full of thoughts that I would not know where to begin to explain just what I am feeling. I came across this poem today after a coworker shared this poet’s work with me. It somehow quieted my mind for a moment.

                                              -David Whyte

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone.  As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions.  To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings.  Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice.  You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.
Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation.  The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last.  All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves.  Everything is waiting for you.

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I am home babysitting my nephew who is home sick. I send my love and all positive energy to all parents and guardians who are humbled everyday by the uncertainty of parenting. 🙂

Right now my nephew and I are sharing a couch. He is watching cartoons and I am listening to my new musical obsession, Kings of Leon and perusing the interest.

My nephew is feeling a lot better than he was this morning and I  recognize that although it is not under the best of circumstances, I still am grateful spending time with him.

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The Return

It’s been a long time, so much so that I forgot my password into this dang account…

Gone is my rule of writing at least one blog entry a month. It’s been so long that I am not even sure how long it’s been! One of the reasons for my time away is that my computer, the one that I have been complaining about in quite a few posts, has finally shut down. I have since bought a little notebook, but this has made me aware of how much of a Mac snob I am, because this is not a Mac. Anyhoo, I am grateful for this computer…and I am not only saying this because it is the right thing to do.

There has been so much going on in this world, so much happening in my life, but isn’t that life though? “The only constant in life is change.”

The interesting this about ALL that is going on, is that I am experiencing this all with a new sense of awareness that can be a blessing sometimes and also something that can be unbearable. I learning connect with what’s uncomfortable. This is due quite a few things including meditation, also I listen and read a lot of  Tara Brach. She is an amazing person. I went to a workshop of hers the first week of April and that was really an enriching experience.

One of the most interesting things about workshops, retreat, especiallyspiritual ones is not only what happens during one’s time there ( although those are amazing) but how we adapt and also what happens when we leave the safety of those spaces.

I, am just trying to be compassionate to myself, as well as to others.