Last night I watched, on TED, a speech by Eve Ensler where she talked about living detached from her body for long time. It was very powerful…and honest. I believe most of us live detached from our bodies and because of this we are detached from the world. Eve talked about this separation, too, in her speech.
However, today, I will not let my words live behind Eve’s words or use “we”; I will use “I” or “me”. I have lived detached from my body for some time and even in the past when I thought I was connected to my body, it was based on pride — wanting to look a certain way, to be accepted a certain way. (For those times, for this moment, I recognize the compassion that I must have towards myself — body and mind.)
This morning I recognized so much of what Eve said was true for me and I started crying. They were tears of pain, regret and recognizing that this separation from my body allowed me to do NOTHING with what is currently happening in the Horn of Africa. The tears came after I heard another coverage on NPR about what’s happening in Somalia. Although I have been hearing about the famine and the death and even inquired about what can be done, I did nothing. So, the tears were probably tears of shame, as well.
For a few minutes after the tears ended, I realized this truth: How can I be connected, truly connected to my world, if I am so disconnected to my body, my self? What I eat, how I spend my time are evidences of this detachment. Just like my inquiry about what can be done about Somalia, I have inquired about what to do about my body: What do I eat? I have inquired about seeking personal balance: How do I spend less time at work? However, I have not really acted upon my inquiries.
There it is.
Today, I seek true connection to my self and to my world. I know it will be a gradual process, which will take compassion and self-love. Life is too beautiful and too real for me NOT to be connected. I took a break from work — vacation — because I recognized this truth, I could not articulate this until now but what I have been experiencing for some time is detachment. I want to experience connection. I want to live connected. I want to be connected. I want to feel connected.
Ngala-Najla 
August 26, 2011 at 11:31 am
Me too, I have come to this realization about myself. The disconnect must have started somewhere… caused by somebody, who said or did something. I just don’t remember where or when!
August 26, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Whereever, or what ever. It is real. Thanks for sharing, Diz.
August 27, 2011 at 6:00 am
This is hard for me to comment on since I share your truth and challenge, and not just because I’m fat… which comes 1st the disconnect or is it the weight? I don’t really know. But I applaude your courage and self challenge; only good can come from it.
I too have paused in shame when eating something while thinking about the horrors of Somalia and the randomness/luck of birth placement. And I have given $ as an appeasement. But it isn’t satisfying and it doesn’t remove the guilt of the excesses of my life.
In all things, connection is the only real truth. The 1st step is to connect to the moment… “Here, Now…”
That is my wish for you Regina…
And thank you for your truth and honesty and clarity.
August 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
And thank you! for your honesty Aunt Pat! For me, the answer to your question, “which comes 1st the disconnect or is it the weight?” my answer is the disconnect. Actually, it might even be the pain. Just like my friend, DIz said below, some time ago, someone or something happened. When that happened, the need to numb it occurred. For some it is numbing it with cigarettes, sex or with drugs…some with shopping or even working long hours at work. That is followed quickly be the detachment. The weight when it comes to overeating, the debt when it comes to overshopping, the ruined relationships that may occur with all the vices that I named, are all topical to what’s really happening.
August 31, 2011 at 11:20 am
Beautiful writing. Thank you for articulating the connection you are making between yourself and the world…I think its a life long process for all of us, making these connections…your sharing helps me, Shakti
August 31, 2011 at 11:34 am
Thanks Shakti. I appreciate this. Thank YOU for being a part of this process with me. I look forward to the lessons that I will learn from you.