Ngala-Najla

I Celebrate Myself…


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Living the Questions


“…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

-Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet
 
Every now and again I need to revisit Rilke’s fourth letter to the  young poet, Kappus.  The fourth letter  houses the quote above and I reread that letter over and over again because the quote encapsulates, so well, the importance of being okay with “the process” — the journey, the marathon and not the sprint. 
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One day it will all make sense

Sometimes before I write or think the words get jumbled and it is hard to figure what to write or say first. That is when I am trying too hard. When I try to figure the answer or try to do the “right thing” I often feel not authentically me. However, when I just go with it and never question but just go with the flow, things seem a little easier, a little better.

That’s why today when I found myself taking a look  back into what could have been but never was ,I immediately had the realization that one day it will all make sense. The need to linger a bit longer into the land of maybes and if onlys was not necessary and the uneasiness, the pain, the jealousy, the anger were suddenly a little bit easier to bear.


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Life Carries On …

If there was any day to remind us (Americans) that we must never take a moment for granted, it is this day. The truth is that war and death is the reality for many of communities of the world and September 11th, as a day of reflection, is not owned by Americans as a horrible day. Unfortunately, other places in the world have experienced the very bad side of humanity on this day, as well. However, for me, September 11th will always be the day when the  worst ( the attacks) and best (strangers helping out each other) of humanity occurred in New York City, Virginia and Pennsylvania in one day.

I really didn’t know what I was going to do on this day, especially since it is the 10th anniversary. In the end, I went on with my day, a little bit more reflective, but I went on. The best way to celebrate those who have passed is to live life completely. The song “I grieve” by Peter Gabriel sums up my feeling very well.

My heart goes out to the families who are mourning their loved ones right now.


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Make it So

Have you ever felt your soul cry? I think I did today. I left my job at 9:30 today and I felt this internal mourning.  I think this feeling was so intense for me because during the past two weeks my body learned how to be relaxed and this added stress ( starting at work for so long) in some way felt foreign but yet all too familar.  What’s different this time around ( than before my vacation) is that I feel as if my soul is a wise old person watching me with sadness and I can feel it…saying, ” My dear, when will start to truly live?!” I feel like a child and my immediate response to that question is, ” I want to…but I do not know how. 

As I wrote those words what came to me was. ” Make it so.”

Make it so. Is it that simple?


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Holy, Holy

A couple of days ago I emailed my friend, who lives in Minnesota, to apologize for not taking her up on her offer to visit her  and her family during my vacation.  In the email I continued to say ( in a kind of apologectic voice that she recognized) that I have been  relaxing at home and in my neighborhood, doing nothing per se. In her response to me  she told me that I did not need to apologize and that her house is always open to me… that she was glad that I had some time to just be. And then she wrote  this:”Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy.” — Abraham Heschel. How great of a spirit she is and what a wonderful quote.

I am so blessed with amazing friends. I am so grateful and honored to be loved. I am living each day with this recognition…not taking this and other blessings for granted. For the impermanence of life is the greatest reminder.


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At the Altar

I have been working on making my room more inviting and nurturing during my vacation. It is coming along at the pace it should happen… one of my goals for some time was to create a meditation/prayer section in my room and it came to me that I needed an altar  near that space. I didn’t know how to begin creating an altar and so it came to me that the person who I visit for bodywork, Shakti, would be a great person to ask about this.  She provided some great suggestions…not really suggestions on tangible things but elements that would be great to have  on an altar, including air, water, and earth. So this morning, I got up after  falling asleep sideways on my bed, took a shower  and cleared a space and created my altar.

Thank you Shakti for  your wisdom and guidance!