Each morning I wake up, I work hard to not take it for granted that I am here. The realities of death and life are more poignant as I get older. I am so grateful for this moment of reflection. The fog of the morning beckons me to be still and sing praises to the Most High. I am in Prospect Park where the chirping of the birds and the gentle waves of the lake are soothing. The intermittent passing of ducks on the lake and birds flying low so that their wingtips touch the water leaves me in awe. And every time a bird flies close to me, so close that I can hear the fluttering of their wings, I feel even more blessed.
I have been working on being better to myself for about 2 weeks now. I found out recently from my doctor that in addition to having high blood pressure, I am pre-diabetic, have very low Vitamin D levels and anemic. I have since lost 7 pounds in the two weeks and have increased my veggie intake and stopped buying breakfast and lunch from the community I work in. East New York is a food dessert. Sodium is often high in the food and almost every other thing is fried… even if the end result is a stew.
Ironically, my current weight (after the 7lb loss) is the same as I was a
approximately 10 years ago when I begun the journey of losing 70 lbs. After losing that weight and then suffering from an injury and a broken heart, I went right back to food. The way in which I lost the weight was healthy but exercising became my obsession; it became my new vice in a lot of ways and I didn’t deal with the real stuff: the internal self hate and feelings of unworthiness that led to the overeating. I can say that more and more I feel and see the connection between how I treat my body and the love that I feel about myself and the way in which I allow others to treat me.
So, as I sit here in the Prospect Park looking upon the water, I pray for physical and spiritual healing and I am grateful for each moment, each opportunity to start anew.
I am listening to Soul Eyes by John Coltrane. What a Sultry piece. Perfect for a lazy Sunday morning like this one. I crave fresh figs, a Sunday paper that’s physically laying on my kitchen table, fresh squeezed orange juice, eggs to whisk,lips to kiss, and hugs to give to little, lively, bodies…
I am in a place near my job that’s centuries old, and alive with newly bloomed flowers and blossoms.
During Ramadan last year, I would come, sit and journal. I love it here in the spring. I love it in the summer and fall and on days when winter is kind. I am sitting down and allowing the sun to beam in on my face, through the trees. I feel like I want to stay here for time longer than 30 minutes (my lunch break) and shorter than forever…
I woke up this morning and I felt rested, haven’t felt this way in a while. I am visiting a friend of mine, in DC, who just bought a house. When I first arrived, she was still at work and use the opportunity to visit places in Silver Spring I often frequented when I lived there: the used book store on Monifant, the natural hair store, across the street where I would get locs maintained.
Over the past two days I have been here, I have been to the Whole Food market where I used to shop for groceries, and one of the guys even noticed me and said, “How have you been?” This surprised me — we used to just say hi to one another and go on our way when I lived there. I noticed that Hollywood Videos is not there anymore, I used to rent my DVDs there…and the memories came to me of Borders and Moby Dick, Persian Restaurant, slow cooked food with a fast food appeal. Although my friend’s home is not in Silver Spring, we met each, for the first time when we both lived in the area and now she is one of my closest friends. So, it is no surprise that we spent some time there. It’s been great playing “visitor” having once called this place home.
As I write this, I am thankful for good friends and even for the breakfast I had this morning which included some of this fruit salad I made to accompany dinner two nights ago. This along with a cup of ginger tea and the book I bought from the used book store, Danticat’s “Farming of the bones” makes for a wonderful, beautiful, lazy Saturday morning in DC.
I am excited, I just ordered a camera on Amazon — a Canon PowerShot. It’s inexpensive and really good. There must be something about spring, I just completed a goal of mine that I have been putting off for some time.