Today is my birthday but somehow it feels surreal. It feels like an imposter, as if someone told me that it was my birthday and I wasn’t sure I believed them. I did not feel as if I wanted to celebrate, so I didn’t.
With all that said I did however begin the day lighting a candle, meditating and giving thanks for this day, for this year and for what is to come.
“What you focus on expands” – Oprah Winfrey
Last night I came home exhausted from feeling betrayed by the dishonesty of a group of people in my life. Withholding the truth is often worse than a straight out lie. This morning, still feeling remnents of the hurt that not even a shower that I had last night could wash away, I thought to myself before and after my quiet time/devotion/meditation that I needed to start keeping a gratitude journal again. I decided, in that moment, that I will not make all the negative experiences a big part of my reality anymore. I will work to focus a lot more on the good. I recognize that everything, every feeling has its place and yes, there needs to be time to grief but I am adamant today, in this moment about not asking, “Whyyy me?!
This afternoon I put on a Sugarland cd in my computer to play and the first song was “Something More” and the last song was “Stand Back Up“. Boy, how I needed to hear both today.
Ngala-Najla